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:iconsmallsincerities: More from smallsincerities


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Submitted on
September 13, 2013
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We are not binary stars
Destined to revolve around each other
Even after death.

We don't have dragon hearts,
And eyes of galaxies
Consumed by fire.
We don't even have lovely, lonely, sailor bones.

We're just a car crash in the middle of somewhere
Carcasses fallen long ago in the dirt
Dream dust flowing from cuts all over.
But we still keep walking
And walking,and walking.

I've forgotten how to taste the sea
And sleep within the moon.

All I can remember
Is that the stars
Lied,
And that I knew
Once upon a time,
That there was a difference
Between being dead
And alive.
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:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey there!
Prettyflour here on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

Loving this poem! The first two stanzas pulled me- it emotes a raw, painful truth- a harsh sense of reality, and I was instantly compelled to read more!
You follow up really nicely in the third stanza- that first line gave off a sadness which resonates throughout the entire poem. Overall, I think this is visceral and heart wrenching. I enjoyed reading it, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Thanks so much and have a great night!
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:iconsmallsincerities:
smallsincerities Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank YOU for the critique!
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:iconbiohazard-mummy:
Biohazard-Mummy Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013
Wow, this is really good. ^-^ 

-Bio
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:iconsmallsincerities:
smallsincerities Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :)
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:iconsofialf:
sofialf Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013
I love it! Congratulations! So much emotion compressed in some simple verses
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:iconsmallsincerities:
smallsincerities Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :heart:
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:iconsofialf:
sofialf Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013
You're welcome
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