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:iconsmallsincerities: More from smallsincerities

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Featured DDs by DorianHarper

lit by warp-y

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Submitted on
October 2, 2013
File Size
731 bytes


200 (who?)
we used to play russian roulette on dingy street corners,
cigarettes hanging from soot-blackened lips
and morphine running rampant through our drugged up systems.

i remember how i was always shot.
you ran away when i didn't die
and left me to bleed out
onto the cold concrete.

but you don't understand-
dolls and wallflowers are empty inside,
and hearts constructed hastily with broken matchsticks
don't beat true. it's just dull thumping
in a hollow chest cavity.

(and even the best dentists can't fill this one up.)
slogging through writer's block is no fun.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-12-16
ASFBenja Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Title literally relates to my entire life. Good wording a verses though. Excellent job.
Karinta Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2013  Student General Artist
Well, the slog was worthwhile, don't you think?
KittykatMWuster Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
WERE YOU KIDDING ME WHEN YOU SAID THIS PIECE WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD? THIS IS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE POEMS OF YOUR GALLERY. (remember that super horrible critique I left on this one that wasn't strictly a critique because I didn't point out anything wrong with it? XD)

:hug: But really, you deserve a DD. Don't know how you didn't get one earlier.
UmbrellaKid10 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013
Doge Dude that was so deep Adele can't even roll in it anymore 
GalenaLarkin Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Professional Writer
This is nicely done. Paints an image quickly and with good words. I'd suggest dropping the last line, though. I see what you were trying to do, relating the words "cavity" and "dentists," but in this instance you're kind of stretching it; it really doesn't make a lot of sense (and the line's a bit too cheesy to fit with the rest of the poem).

Dentists, of course, don't work on the thoracic (chest) region of the body. And the chest cavity is not a medical condition. The chest cavity is simply the space inside your chest where the lungs and heart fit. A cavity in a tooth is a health problem, which a dentist would need to fix, but no dentist (or even a doctor) would ever need to fill a chest cavity. I hope that makes sense.

Otherwise, nice work! Sorry about the writer's block. I definitely know that feeling. I recommend music, or doing what one of my professors once suggested: letting it incubate. Don't force yourself to work on anything, don't force anything out. Put it on the shelf for a while, relax, let the ideas simmer, and go back to them later :)
Jirachichu Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Do you seriously think that they meant an actual chest cavity and an actual dentist
GalenaLarkin Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Professional Writer
I realize they were being metaphorical, but I think that part could have been done a better way. In writing, and all forms of art, there is always room for improvement, and a true writer/artist should always be open to suggestions. And that's all I was doing - offering them a suggestion. No offense or rudeness was intended.
Morning-Star-42 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Keeping the metaphorical imagery consistent helps to keep a consistent and effortless emotional parallel. If the reader doesn't stop to interpret the connection between two different metaphorical imageries, their mind is kept in the emotion and idea the author wants to convey and the whole work comes off smoother and with more impact.
brain-tree Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013   General Artist

TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
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